Life as we know it…
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Can you hear me?
Do you ever feel like you are literally treading water in the middle of the ocean while everyone around you is enjoying the waves? It’s as if all you need is a lifeboat but nobody sees or hears you? Is this just me? Can anyone relate or has my type A really just taken over? We’ve mentioned before how life is a rollercoaster and mine is often operating on old wooden beams and loose screws!
As a mom, I feel that we are EXPECTED to take on more responsibility; or is it just our personalities that make us take on more without asking for what we need when we need it. All day every day I feel as though all I do is repeat myself and yet nothing gets done. From larger tasks to simply throwing garbage away, it’s like nobody around here can do it but me. I’m everyone’s daily reminder of “life” and still my family forgets things. I mean my son has literally forgotten to put his shoes on to go to school and we have had to turn around. Like how? How do you leave the house barefoot and forget shoes? This is our life. Constant “nagging” from mom always “bossing” us around and why can’t I be cooler like dad? Uh, well because I have a gazillion things going through my mind that I need to do while the rest of you people live your best life, how about that! Now, I do blame myself for much of this, but how does one not see what needs to be done. How am I the only one that knows tasks have to be accomplished. You have a book report, great do it. Why must I stay on top of you about it every step of the way? We leave for school at the same exact time each morning. There are clocks all over this house. Why must I TELL you what time it is and to get your shoes on and jackets and etc. so we can leave. Why do I have to remind you to shower at night and brush your teeth before bed? I feel like we have the same conversations day in and day out and I’m the only one listening. Does no one notice my frustration, or do they just not care? Is it because they are “young?” Perhaps I have failed at providing them the life skills to be responsible and do for themselves. I am a lot of things, but I am not perfect. I can handle failure so long as I learn and push forward. This is definitely an area that needs improving!
After “treading” for long enough, I’ve decided that it is neither mentally, emotionally or physically sustainable to continue this way. I was not being heard. My subtleness wasn’t enough and getting angry was even worse. In order to create change, I had to change myself first. I had to ASK for the things I not only needed but wanted. It’s okay to WANT things from your spouse or kids. I realized that I had to stop EXPECTING and just start asking. I don’t want it to sound like my husband doesn’t do his fair share, but I have learned that they have to initially be told and then the task will be completed. I have learned to be a lot more vocal, and that communication is key. We are all different, we all think different, and we all tackle our responsibilities differently. My husbands perspective vs mine vs the kids on who does what in this house so that we can function as a unit is drastically different. The kids for one think they should do nothing because “they are the kids” while my husband focuses mainly on his “to do list.” The kids believe they have the worst life because they have to make their beds and put their laundry away. Enter eye roll. These kids have no idea! There are chores in this house because we all live in this house, and we all utilize the benefits of having a home. They were also disappointed to find out that their small chores didn’t coming with an allowance while the hubs and I laughed and laughed because in this house everyone contributes. Now, I judge no one on what they do with their money and how they run their home, but my husband and I do not believe in paying our kids for unloading the dishwasher. Who pays mommy to do it? Who pays dad to take the trash out? You get your own bedroom fully furnished, a playroom, toiletries, utilities and literally everything you need from us, I am not paying you to make your bed and put your laundry away. This also makes me the worst by the way because ALL of their friends get an allowance. My response, good for them. I have no desire to compare myself to anyone, society does a good enough job for me.
At the end of the day, it’s so easy to feel unheard and like nobody sees you “drowning,” but sometimes, all we have to do is ask. People will depend on you as much as you allow them to. The more you take on, the more that is expected of you. Don’t let yourself stay stranded in the middle of the ocean because eventually you will drown. Find yourself a lifeboat! With Love, Coffee
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Nosey little kids, don’t you like surprises????
Hello all. The hustle and bustle of the holiday season is upon us. The kids are super excited, and the list just keep getting longer and longer of the wants and desires. As parents we do all we can to make that Christmas morning spectacular for them. Maybe it is a desire to give them the world and to show them how much we love them, maybe it is because we want them to have everything that we did not have as kids. As parents and “Santas helpers” we have looked and listened, paid attention and searched for the perfect items. Is it all in vain? If your children are like mine, they are nosey and apparently do not like surprises at all. The endless hours of searching and shopping through stores and online shops should make things easier to hide, but not when you have a little detective living under your roof.
Technology is such an amazing tool to a certain extent. I don’t really remember how I survived the holidays before everything was made so easy at our fingertips. You can literally find anything you are looking for between amazon and the 1000s of shops online. Just get an idea and search, then there it is. It’s such a relief of not having to step foot in a big retail store and search for something that is out of stock or something that they just don’t carry. If the big retailers do have it, then you have to worry about finding the best deal and how to hide it from our little nosey monsters. Like many of you, amazon has been such a life saver for so many reasons, not just for shopping for others but also to find that perfect item of holiday clothing and anything else you can imagine, at all price points. If you are like me, then you home is full of ALEXA devices and they have also eliminated the need for stereos, phone land lines, and alarm clocks, but they are also tattle tales. I have worked so hard to keep Christmas morning a secret as well as my personal life and the need for outfits for holiday adult parties, but my dear friend ALEXA keeps telling my secrets. I try to clear the notifications as soon as I walk through the door so little nosey “C” can’t see what’s in store, but I am not successful. The history doesn’t clear and also notifications pop up so unexpectedly that I cannot clear them fast enough in certain cases. Now I am in a problematic situation.
With “C” now being 10 and the magic of Christmas spirit still running high, I am not dumb. I know she has had the talk with her friends about what is real and what is not. Hell, I even played that card with my family, knowing the answers to the questions that I had believed in my childhood by that point. I never understood the concept of the Easter bunny, as for bunnies do not lay eggs, and the fact that a bunny brought a basket filled with junk was always a dumb concept to me. I believed in the tooth fairy until I found my baby teeth in a trinket in my mom’s personal things. Suddenly I realized that the magical little fairy was actually a 30-40 something woman who had access to my bedroom and could easily come in and out to steal my teeth for a dollar. “C” has lost so many teeth, and our schedule is so insanely busy that there are many nights that that fairy fell asleep a little too early or woke up a little too late and the tooth was never picked up in the appropriate amount of time. She has now learned that interest for a forgotten tooth is a real thing but also has commented to me numerous times that she had felt something digging under her monstrosity of pillows (in a desperate attempt to find that tooth). She knows… she doesn’t want to tell me she knows, but she does. In my bedroom, where I tell my little spawn to stay out of my stuff (but like all children) but she doesn’t. I have a drawer where things go. In this drawer there is memories, junk, and the stupid elf on the shelf. Whoever designed this idiotic idea I hope a fairy finds you and throws glitter in your eye every day for the rest of your life! How dare “Bob” our elf never returned to the North Pole to gather his magic after Christmas. Instead, he decided to stay in my drawer that in my room for the year. “Bob” has not awakened this year due to the fact of a nosey kid. Now, I should probably feel guilty about this, but I most certainly do not. Since “C” wanted to snoop and cannot listen to simple rules in the house, why should I feed into her need for being unsurprised.
This year, at Christmas, Santa will be making his final visit to our household. The items she has so desperately been searching for will all be from the big guy. She will learn that there is no magical North Pole where all the toys are made and that there are no flying reindeer. Although I am very sad that this part of her childhood is coming to a close, I also am planning on teaching her that being nosey is not a good thing. When you decide that snooping is a good option, you need to be prepared for what you actually find. She will understand why mom is always on the naughty list and why mom is always stressed out about money during this part of the year (not like that’s different from any other part of the year). The bonus gifts are coming to an end, and I will have the talk with her about not spoiling the magic for others. This Christmas will be different. I hate to imagine seeing the innocence and magic leave her little imagination but like growing up, you learn that reality isn’t always what you hope for. My girl is growing up and getting older isn’t always a good thing. Life hits us in ways that may have some disheartening moments but how we deal with those moments forms who we are. Although there is no elf on the shelf this year and having to break the unfortunate news of no big guy coming down the chimney any longer, I still want us to embrace the reason for the season. I want us to make our own magic and spirit. So, remind your children to be kind, to love, and to spread joy and not try to grow up too soon. I wish you all lots of love and happiness this season. With Love, Wine
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Winding Down with Wine
Neediness….the Most unattractive quality
Happy Thanksgiving eve everyone and welcome to the shit show that I call my life. I was actually a little stumped about what I was going to write about until I had a moment of clarity yesterday. My life is crazy, stupid busy between hockey, my daughter’s fantastic social calendar, school events, work, trying to get everything done, having a semi social life myself and finding time to sleep. If I find time or make time to allow someone in my life, it is because I see a potential, possibly something different and interesting. No matter what aspect we are speaking of here and I am going to be vague, for a reason, being a needy person is not a good look. Not on customers, not on potential partners, not on friends, your children and not on yourself. Being single for so long, I have become rather rusty on the protocols of communicating effectively and giving the other person what they need. In my line of work, I can anticipate what people will need and understand that it is my job to accommodate to the needs (to a certain extent). My kid has wants but her needs are taken care of, so I have to sift through the bullshit of “Mom I want” and “Mom I need” and I feel like I have gotten a pretty good hang of it.
Every day in my work life, I see many of the same people on a daily basis. Between customers and coworkers, I pretty much know what to expect for the average day, but occasionally I am absolutely flabbergasted at people. Like I mentioned earlier, I anticipate what the needs are of the customer, and I try to appease them so that they have the best experience possible. I have learned that some people cannot be pleased. If you are nice, they want you to be nicer, or maybe they think you are too nice. The temperature is too hot, too cold, the lights are too bright, or its too dark. Sometimes it’s too loud or too quiet. For these people, I talk mad crap about and want to tell them suck my titty. My coworkers can tell when I have been pushed to my limits and when I am just joking around. I try not to take my job or even life that matter too seriously as for life is more fun to be lighthearted and happy. I question if many of these poor souls have ever been satisfied or actually took the time to enjoy life and the things that it has to offer. Both Coffee and I have discussed in previous post about being a good person and how little it takes to be one. The amount of people that have decided that a diner waitress is below them and that they can completely make us their personal indentured servant are the ones I am talking about here. Yes, my job has lots of downsides. The hours can suck, the cooks can fuck up, hell I can even fuck up, but it gives you no right to treat me or anyone else like shit. I get very busy and just because I haven’t brought you your 12th diet Pepsi because I am running around trying to get someone their first drink doesn’t give you the audacity to be a little bitch. Chill out. I will get you what you need and if it’s that dire of an emergency please ask another waitress. Same goes for asking for unnecessary items. I will bring you an appropriate number of napkins, straws, refills, lemons, ect. Don’t be that dick and run me to death. If you need something, please ask, but it is not my job to forget about everyone else around just because you require 20 extra napkins just so youo can stick them in your cars glove box for emergencies. If you are trying to get my attention and you see I am taking an order at another table, do not yell at me continusly when I tell you I’ll be right there. There is nothing wrong with my hearing and there are other people who are hungry too. Common decency is all that I ask for.
My coworkers in general, are fantastic. We all get along for the most part. We even do outings together outside of work. I genuinely enjoy and care for these ladies as for I see them more than most of my family and we all have become intertwined in each other’s lives. When I see one struggle, I try to pick up the slack and vice versa. That is why we work so well together. Then there are those moments that we want to kill each other too because we see why some are struggling in a way due to their own faults (myself included). What I cannot stand is when tempers run high, and it makes the workplace uncomfortable for the rest of us. Dealing with foul attitudes and consuming ourselves with negativity towards one another makes work so toxic and uncomfortable. Just do your job and let the bullshit roll off. Holding on to grudges and being jealous is such an ugly look. When you do your job and you do it well the customers like you and request you. It’s not a stab at you but we all have people in our life that we click with better than others. If we all liked the same people and things, there would be no difference in the world. Don’t be petty, get over yourself and your ego!
My child is no different. Sometimes she needs more attention and other times she is very independent. Those needy times push me to my limits. I give love, and affection when she needs it and also when I need it. I tell her multiple times a day that I love her, and I think that she is beautiful. There are also times where I need to be left alone and given space. Sometimes I need just a little privacy and a little decompression time. It’s amazing how I can be left alone for an undisclosed amount of time and even ask for snuggles or do something to create that bond and my child wants no part of it, but as soon as I get on the phone or use the bathroom it’s like the needy alarms go off. It drives me CRAZY!!! As she grows up, I see her becoming more independent. As a parent, this excites me. These actions show me that I am doing something right as a parent. We have that communication open that if she needs me, I am always here for her and always will be. She also knows when she is pushing my limits, she better back off, otherwise there will be consequences for her actions. I am raising her to be independent and to rely on herself, but there are times where I am questioning if I am parenting correctly.
Now, there are many attributes in the opposite sex that I find unappealing. Bad teeth, weird odor, rude, no personality, lack of self confidence are just a few to show what deters me. The number one thing that I find unattractive in a man and partner is NEEDINESS!!! If I want you in my life, there is a reason why. I don’t ask of much. I like communication, honesty and intergity. I will text when I have time and I also will call when I need to hear your voice. When I am at work and don’t respond, it is because I am busy. I respect my partners schedule and I expect them to respect mine as well. I don’t need to check my phone and see 100 pointless texts accusing me of losing interest or jumping to conclusions about what I am or am not doing. Needing constant reassurance through different times of the day is absolutely sickening to me and the number one way to make me lose interest. If you don’t trust me, there is no way we are going to build into anything with real substance. I know this is extremely rare but when I say I am going to do something, I am actually going to do it. I am not your ex, and I am not your babysitter or mother and if you are looking for validation in every aspect, I am definitely not your girl. I am that girl who will call you out on your bullshit and lose interest as quick as I developed any. The most rewarding thing for me to do with those people is to call them on their bullshit and see the childish activity begin only to hit that block button to make them even more butthurt. No lady or woman wants a needy man. We like to be protected and cherished. If you need that kind of energy and attention I suggest you seek therapy for your unresolved issues.
The point of all this reading is simple, be the person that can stand on your own. Wake up and realize that there are billions of people in the world and what may seem like such a big deal, in reality is not. Do you really need extra things? Do you need someone to micromanage your world? Do you need someone to question your every step and move? Find your independence and grow a pair! With Love, Wine
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